A few years ago, I followed a middle-aged man on YouTube that realized he probably won’t be around by the time his son would turn 20.

A fragile age for every young man, when we need a father figure more than ever to teach us how to navigate this complex world.

At an age when we encounter real-life difficulties firsthand, from how to talk to a woman to what we want to do in life.

He filmed videos directed to his future son with the life lessons and wisdom that he wished to pass on to the boy.

That touched me deeply.

As the son of immigrant parents, I never had that father-to-son moment. My parents were way too busy trying to put food on the table, making sense of a world completely different from the one they grew up in.

So I had to figure out most of the things on my own, by making one big mistake after another.

I don’t really blame them, they were trying their best with what they were taught growing up.

I would give anything to see what my parents went through, what they were thinking, and how they overcame those difficult situations. Looking back it always looks easy and makes sense, but in the midst of the chaos is hard to see the end of the tunnel.

The beginning of 2023 totally wiped out all the certainties that I built up until then.

I feel like suddenly falling during a dream, desperately trying to grab onto the first thing I see and assess the situation I’m in.

But that middle-aged man inspired me to leave breadcrumbs for the future, a collection of screenshots of my mental state at the moment of writing.

They say you’re truly successful when you know the child version of you is proud of the man you’ve become.

Hopefully, in 20-30 years’ time, my future children and I can read this a say:

“Oh look what a mess pop was, but he managed… and look at all the cool things he did and things he has seen!”

And that’s all this blog is really all about.